Never walk without a document in your
hands
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking
employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in
their hands look like they are heading for the canteen. People with
newspaper in their hand look like they are heading for the toilet.
Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuffs home with you at
night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer
hours than you do.
Use computers to look busy
Anytime you use a computer, it looks like work to the casual
observer. You can send and receive personal e-mails, chat and
generally have blast without doing anything remotely related to
work. These are not exactly the societal benefits that the
proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but
they are not bad either. When you get caught by your boss and you *
will * get caught your best defense is to claim you are teaching
yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training
expenses.
Messy desk
Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us,
it looks like we are not working hard enough. Build huge piles of
documents around your workspace. To the observer, last years work
looks the same as todays work; its volume that counts. Pile them
high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your desk, bury
the document youll need halfway down in an existing stack and
rummage for it when he/she arrives.
Voice mail
Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People dont call
you just because they want to give you something for nothing. The
call because they want YOU to work for THEM. Thats no way to live.
Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a
voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work,
respond during lunch hour when you know they are not there. It
looks like you are hardworking and conscientious even though you
are being devious weasel.
Looking impatient and annoyed
Always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the
impression that you are always busy.
Leave the office late
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still
around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always
wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make
sure you walk past the boss room on your way out. Send important
emails at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during
public holidays.
Creative and sighing for effects
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the
impression that you are under extreme pressure.
Stacking Strategy
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots
of books on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the
best).
Build Vocabulary
Read up some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new
products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses.
Remember: They dont have to understand what you say, but will
sound impressive.
Have 2 jackets
If you work in a big open plan office, always leave a spare jacket
draped over the back of your seat. This gives the impression that
you are still on the premises. The second jacket should be worn
while swanning around elsewhere. [/b]
